


I wish you would

by Fusselfriek



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Apologizing Dean Winchester, Castiel Comes Out (Supernatural), Dean is a dick but he is sad, M/M, Sam calling Dean out for being a dick, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:07:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28132173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fusselfriek/pseuds/Fusselfriek
Summary: So this is basically in an alternative universe where after Jacks's mistake they had taken him back to the bunker and try to fix him by teaching him wrong and right and not fricking putting him in a box for eternity. But the story is more about Dean and Cas's relationship after the incident and how I would have liked Castiel to tell Dean about his feelings.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Jack Kline, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Kudos: 6





	I wish you would

“So run you cur. And tell the other curs the law is coming.

You tell 'em I'm coming! And Hell's coming with me you hear.“ Wyatt Earp in Tombstone.

Dean leaned back and smiled. He had watched that movie a thousand times by now but he still loved that scene.

He looked up and looked as Cas.

Cas caught his eyes for a moment and then looked at Jack. 

Jack was glued to the TV like he had never seen anything as good as this movie.

Dean couldn’t help but feel a little proud.

But he didn’t let it show on his face. He was still angry at Jack and Cas. Losing his mother again after everything they had been through was just too much. He knew Cas was hurting but he couldn’t change it.

Over his musing the film had ended and the music filled the room. Jack immediately got up and started cleaning up the empty beer bottles and popcorn bowls. Cas helped him with it. Sam, who was usually the one to clean up was looking after them. He had a book on his knees that looked like someone had scribbled random words on it. Dean suspected that he hadn’t caught the ending either. Jack returned to the living room and said: “Good night!” “Night!” The brothers said in unison. Minutes later Cas appeared and told them he was going to be in his room. Sam told him good night and Dean stubbornly refused to say anything.

After Cas had left, Dean got up himself. “I need another beer.” He grunted. Sam called after him: “Dean!” “What?” He called over his shoulder. “You want one too?” “No!” Sam said following him to the kitchen. Dean got himself a beer and leaned against the refrigerator. “What’s up?”

“I need to tell you something.” Dean straightened up a bit, instantly going into battle mode, “You found something about God?”

“No, Dean. I just want to tell you that you’re being a dick.”

He crossed his arms and looked down on him. Dean laughed, “That’s hardly news.”

“Well then you’re being more of a dick than usual, especially to Cas.”

Deans smile faded, “No, after whats he’s done…”

“What did he do, Dean?”

“He didn’t tell us about the kid’s soul. That’s on him.”

“So what? He made a mistake!”

“A mistake ? Our mother is dead because of Jack.”

“Jack is a kid. He doesn’t fully understand his powers yet and he doesn’t have a soul. And that is on me! I wanted him back so much that we made that decision for him.”

“You just wanted to help.”

“And so did Jack. He saved people and burned away his soul in the process. Because he has a good heart. I drank demon blood, I killed innocent people when I didn’t have my soul. You have forgiven that. And you killed people too. When you were a demon you killed people. You killed for the joy of it. You killed a teenager. And we forgave all of that because we are a family. And now that Jack did something wrong you’re just what? Never forgive him? And Cas? They are our family.” Sam breathed out loudly.

Dean had gone pale. “I know Sammy. I know…I just. I’m so angry all the time. And I want to be mad at Jack. I want to be mad at Cas. Because... it’s my fault. I trusted Cas so much. He said Jack is good and I believed him. And then he killed Mum. If I hadn’t trusted him she would still be alive.” Tears fell down his face.

Sam finally uncrossed his arms and put one hand on Deans' shoulder. “Maybe you are right. If Jack wouldn’t have been here, maybe Mum would still be alive. Or maybe she would have been killed on a job. But we also wouldn’t have gotten to know Jack. He brought us so much joy and purpose. He is like a son to me. And I know you feel the same about him because you're acting like Dad around him. But Dean you are not Dad you need to be better than him. Jack and Cas are all that we have and you need to be the bigger man here! I’m glad that Cas protected Jack and his mother. And Mum is in heaven. She is happy and with Dad and she wouldn’t have wanted you to treat the people you care about like that. I know this is hard. But this isn’t your fault. Talk to Cas.”

Dean harshly wiped his Tears away and chuckled, “How long have you been sitting on that speech?”

Sam leaned back “Longer than I should have.” They stood silent in the kitchen until Dean finished his beer. “Right.” He said, unsure of what to do.

“Go. Cas doesn’t need to sleep so he’s probably awake in his room.”

Dean nodded, “man.”

* * *

Dean knocked softly on Cas’s door. “Yes?” he heard from the inside. He opened the door. Cas sat on his bed wearing pajama bottoms and a soft blue sweater.

“Yo Cas, look at you – all casual.” He said walking into the room.

Cas looked down self-consciously, “I like it. It is very comfortable.”

Dean held his own comments back and tried to find a good way to start. He took the chair from the desk and sat himself down in front of Cas. “Listen, Cas.” He cleared his throat, “I’m sorry about the way I treated you the last couple of weeks. I know it wasn’t your fault that mum died.” He looked down at his hands.

“Dean, it is okay.” Cas said quietly.

Dean shook his head, “No it’s not. You’re my best friend. You always try to help and to look after us. And I just…I was so angry, sometimes I feel like I can’t stop myself.” Tears welled up again and he scrupped his face to not let them fall. "You are family and I shouldn’t have made you feel like your less.” He finally looked up again and Cas looked at him like he always looked at him, concerned and deeply caring,

“That’s all I think.” He said clapping his hands together and simultaneously pulling himself together, “I guess I should let you sleep.”

“I don’t sleep.”

“Right!” He got up but Cas stopped him. “Dean.”

“Yes?”

“I think I…also want to tell you something.”

Dean looked down at him: “What’s up?”

“Maybe you can sit down again.”

Dean sat back down surprise written on his face.

“I didn’t really want to tell you this, but with Chuck and everything I guess it is better if you know, so we can…move on.” He wasn’t looking at Dean and instead looking off somewhere to the side like he much rather wanted to tell this to the wall. “When you met me for the first time I was a soldier. I had fought battles, led armies, and served under heavens regime. I had seen humanity rise and fall and I knew what was expected of me. And then I met you. I raised you from hell and I saw your soul. You were so angry and confused. You had lived through torture and the torture you had conflicted on others. And yet as soon as you were back alive all you wanted was to help people. You cared so fiercely about your brother that for the first time I felt things. You showed me that humanity was still worth fighting for. I didn’t just break ranks for the cause. I broke it because I wanted you to care about me as much as you cared for Sam.”

“And I do Cas.” Dean interrupted “You’re my best friend and I care about you as much as Sam.”

He looked at Cas earnest, but Cas just looked down at his hands and continued.

“Then I got to be your friend and I tried so hard to be there for you. To always come when you called. But we didn’t succeed and Sam was in Hell. And you shut me out and went back to be with Lisa. And I felt lost and sad and I didn’t understand why I was in so much pain. And so when I needed help I didn’t go to you and you remember how that went down. But somehow you forgave me and I promised myself that I would do anything in my power to keep you and Sam safe. Over the years and our adventures, I started to realize that there was something more about how I felt for you. I always knew that I would do anything for you but when I became human every feeling I had was more intense. And then I had sex with April and it felt good but it also made me realize that this was what I wanted. Just not with her. I wanted to be this close with you. You are the most beautiful human I ever met. And not just how you look, but your soul. I wanted to be with you.

Dean stared at him uncomprehending.

“It was all clear then. I loved you more than a brother and more than a friend. But I knew that you didn’t. You told me that I was like a brother to you.” He fiddled with the soft fabric of his trousers and didn’t look at Dean, “So I tried to make me stop feeling it but I couldn’t. I still can’t. I love you. And sometimes I make decisions based on that fact. I can’t see straight when it comes to you. That’s why I wanted you to know so that you can take that into account.” He cleared his throat and looked up. Dean looked stunned. “Cas,” he said, shaking his head slightly. 


End file.
